|
 The
other day, my stomach was upset and I went to the cupboard for an
Alka-Seltzer. As I downed the dreaded fizz, the taste was awful. I
looked at the package, and it was “cool blueberry pomegranate
flavor”. It. Was. Dreadful. The next day I went to Target thinking I
would just pick up a box of “normal” Alka-Seltzer. There is no
normal.
Wikipedia, “Alka-Seltzer is an effervescent antacid and pain
reliever owned by Bayer since 1978……it was launched in 1931….it is
sold in foil packets, each containing two tablets…. prior to 1984 it
was also available stacked in cylindrical glass bottles.”
There’s my Alka-Seltzer…in a tube-shaped bottle. “Speedy” sold it on
TV. Voiced by Dick Beals, the character appeared in over 200 TV
commercials between 1954 and 1964. Then we had the “plop, plop,
fizz, fizz”. Yep, still my Alka-Seltzer. In the early 1960’s a
commercial showing two tablets dropping into a glass of water
instead of one tablet caused sales to double. Oh dear. Take heart
readers. Don’t be easily bamboozled.
In 1979, actor, Milt Moss spent the commercial moaning, “I can’t
believe I ate that who-o-o-o-ole thing.”
Imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find plain Alka-Seltzer. There’s
Xtra strength, cold & flu, severe cold & flu, day & night cold &
flu, severe cold & cough, power max sinus, cool action heartburn
relief…. all types of it but I couldn’t find the original. There
were tablets, liquid gels, chewable tablets, fizzy melt, hot drink
mix, and gum. I didn’t WANT those. I had made my choice before I
walked into the store. I just couldn’t find it. I waved down a store
clerk and asked for help. She rolled her eyes and pointed to the
display. I informed her I had looked for 10 minutes and couldn’t
find the original. Her interest perked a bit. She led me on a merry
chase around the pharmacy. There was Alka-Seltzer in the cold aisle,
the flu aisle, the stomachache aisle and the pain aisle. Alka-Selter
was sprinkled over shelves for everything from pain to infection, to
respiratory, to disease and everything in-between. Still no
original. My new Target friend was into it now. She looked for a
fellow worker to no avail. She pondered and then pounced upon the
ubiquitous cell phone she pulled from her pocket. Her face lit up
and she led me to a far counter, the very lowest shelving unit, on
the left-hand side, were two lonely boxes of original Alk-Seltzer.
Eureka! She was so proud of herself. I had a stomach ache coming in
and now I had a roaring headache. I couldn’t wait to get home and
plop, plop, fizz, fizz myself.
Jokesoftheday.net, “After eating the ship, the sea monster needed an
Alka-Seltzer. He said, “I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.”
Ordering breakfast in a restaurant is nothing but choices, “Sausage,
bacon or ham? Patty or link? Two or three? Italian or sweet?” Good
grief. I don’t know if I feel sorrier for the waitress or the guest.
to top of second column] |
“Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. “Bartender, my
friends and I would like a cold one.” Says one of the eggs. “Sorry,”
the barman replies. “We don’t serve breakfast.”
The grocery store is almost unmanageable. Try to choose a box of
Cheerios. General Mills produces more than 15 flavors of Cheerios.
Upon finally deciding the type of cereal, what size box?
From online, “What did fruit loop say when launching their product
to compete with cheerios? Toucan play this game.”
Tired of choices, I decided it was time to pay some bills. Certainly
there are no choices there. I. Was. Wrong. Which bills to pay first?
Which could wait? I’m still archaic and like paying my bills by
writing a check. Trying to get into this new world, I made some
calls to pay my bills online. Why in the world so many questions
about my choice? I kept being asked to prove I was me. Why? Is there
someone else out there that wants to pay my bills? If so, what
difference does it make? I will let anyone who wants to pay me bills
do so.
Finally, I was exasperated enough to finish paying via the old way.
I went to the post office because I was out of stamps. I stated I
needed to purchase stamps. “A book or a sheet? Is this for a letter
of a large envelope? Is this going to a foreign country? Do you need
stamps for a postcard? Commemorative or standard? What design?”
Jokes4US, “What starts with a P, ends with and E, and has a million
letter in it? Post Office”
Jim Rohn, “You have two choices. You can make a living, or you can
design a life.”
That makes one stop and think, doesn’t it? My first thought was that
choice is for the young generation…..like my grandchildren. Those
choices of what they want to become in life. What is going to be
their career? What will their political choices be? Where will they
live? Who will they marry? Where will they worship? What will they
worship?
Upon reflection, I discovered each one of us continues that choice
in every aspect of our lives. Even those of us retired need to keep
on designing our lives. Retirement totally changes our lifestyle.
Not going to work every day isn’t always the tremendous joy we
thought it was going to be. We must answer the same above questions
as we go through the rest of our lives.
Oscar Wilde, “I won’t tell you that the world matters nothing, or
the world’s voice, or the voice of society. They matter a good deal.
They matter far too much. But there are moments when one has to
choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely—or
dragging out some false, shallow degrading existence that the world
in its hypocrisy demands. You have that moment now. Choose.”
L. Maxine McQueen may be contacted at
maxmac.1@juno.com |
