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 “Malapropism:
the incorrect use of a word in place of a word with similar sound,
either unintentionally or for comedic effect, resulting in a
nonsensical, often humorous utterance. An example is the statement
attributed to baseball player, Yogi Berra, regarding switch hitters,
‘He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious’ with the
accidental use of amphibious rather than the intended ambidextrous.”
Wikipedia.
The etymology of the word comes from a character named “Mrs.
Malaprop” in Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s 1775 play, “The Rivals.”
The synonymous term “Dogberryism” comes from the 1598 Shakespeare
play “Much Ado About Nothing” when the character Dogberry speaks
many malapropisms to humorous effect. Archie Bunker “All in the
Family” used malapropisms often. He’d say things like ‘Women’s
Lubrication Movement’ rather than Liberation. Or he’d refer to
“off-the-docks Jews” instead of Orthodox Jews. Tyler Perry is
another exemplar. He uses Madea’s malapropisms from the Book of Luke
to the giggles of all.
OK. Now you know what I’m talking about. Let’s get to the point. If
I know, I will tell you who the unfortunate person uttering the
speech error. Otherwise, just sit back and enjoy.
Former Australian prime minister, Tony Abbott, once claimed that no
one “is the suppository of all wisdom” (i.e., repository or
depository.)
He is the very pineapple of politeness……pinnacle.
Archie Bunker, “We need a few laughs to break up the monogamy”
(monotony) “Patience is a virgin: (virtue) “It’s a well-known fact
that capital punishment is a detergent to crime.” (deterrent)’
Mike Tyson replied, “I might just fade into Bolivian,” Meaning
‘oblivion’, when asked about his future after a boxing match.
Justin Bieber replied, “I’m not going for the Sixteenth Chapel” when
David Letterman said he’d look like the Sistine Chapel if he got any
more tattoos.
Former mayor of Chicago Richard J. Daley called tandem bicycles
“tantrum” bicycles and said O’Hare Airport was the “Crosswords of
the nation” rather than the “crossroads”.
My youngest son as a toddler would stomp his little foot and loudly
proclaim, “I willn’t” for won’t.
Royce Elliot, “Wrong Word Use Can Be Humorous”: “At a business
gathering one day, Booger said, “What’s the floor mat of this
meeting anyway?” “Booger said his rich uncle had reached the
pinochle of success.” “Skinny and Booger were arguing politics and
Skinny said, “Franklin Roosevelt had charisma.” Booger said, “I
don’t care how sick he was. I didn’t like the guy.”
At Random Malapropisms:
Florida Leaf…..Fleur-De-Lis
Vocal Point…..The spot you look at
ESPN…..Extra Sensory Perception
Banana …..Bandana
Kamisaki…..Japanese suicide pilot
Sesame Street Seeds…..What’s on McDonald’s buns
Condom…..What people live in…condominium…condo
Quote, “I have to go to the doctor for my blood pressure. I can’t
understand it. I never used to have blood pressure.”
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Chester Drawers…..Chest of drawers
Decapitated coffee…..Decaffeinated coffee
Took her for granite…..Took her for granted
Have you ever had the experience of riding in an ‘Eddie Brower
Edition’ of a fancy Ford truck? If so, you probably enjoyed riding
in the ‘Lombardi seats’ of said vehicle. Too much of this
pleasurable driving may give you ‘carpal tundra’, a wrist problem
that can cause pain 48 hours a day.
It used to be so much easier for weekend mechanics to work on their
cars in the past. Here are some conversations that were heard:
“I thought it was my ‘piskon’ (piston) or my ‘cramshaf’ (which is an
interchangeable term for crankshaft or camshaft.) It was a problem
getting too much ‘zaust’ (exhaust) quite often back in the day. It
was ever so much cooler to drive a ‘shiff’ (standard) than a
“adamatic drive’ (automatic.) Of course, we are ever so thankful for
the ‘urgency’ brake (emergency brake) The ‘Cadillac converter’
(catalytic converter) could also be problematic. One also had to
keep an eye on the ‘mometer’ (thermometer) so our engines didn’t
overheat.
Our cars were handy to drive the ‘hour and 90 minutes it takes to
drive from Princeton to Midway Airport.’ Or to travel to ‘Mohammed’
a small town in Illinois near Champaign. If we want, we could
explore Illinois by ‘Intercept’ 80 (Interstate 80). For a longer
trip, we could go to ‘Silver-Soder City’ near Branson, Missouri.
I dearly love to eat ‘pie Alamo’ (pie with ice cream) with my buddy.
He also loves ordering ‘eggs sunny side up, then over’. He also
commiserates with anyone who is ‘lack toast intolerant’ (lactose
intolerant)
We enjoyed watching ‘the third half’ of the football game, as well
as discussing ‘the first Second World War’. As always, he was
delighted that Easter came on a Sunday this year. It was so
convenient.
Have you ever had the chance to shoot a “.45-90 Colt-Mauser”? If so,
you know it would be a very unusual gun. Another rare find would be
a “.10-gauge lever-action” pump. Maybe you have even tried to buy
“magnet shells” for your .10-gauge lever-action pump. A ‘Smit &
Western’ is another brand of handgun.
Let’s not forget medical malapropisms:
Absolom Salts…..Epsom salts
Going away of life or mental pause…..Menopause
Old Timer’s Disease…..Alzheimer’s Disease
Fireballs of the Eucharist…..Fibroids of the Uterus
Mouth to mouth restoration…..Mouth to mouth resuscitation
Yep, all these are words that have passed from friend’s lips to ears
to a mind and heart that are not willing to laugh no matter how fun
or confusing the terminologies get. Take the time to figure out what
your companion is trying to say. Consider if she is joking or
serious. If in doubt, deem the latter. Correct when needed, ignore
if required, enjoy in your own time. They are charming, creative,
and humorous comments. Handle with care. |
