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 “Cross
my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” It’s a vow that
someone is telling the truth or making a promise they mean to keep.
How many times have we said that throughout our lifetime? When did
we ever seriously consider doing it?
Why am I asking such a diabolical question? Because for almost a
year now I have had to go to the doctor and get injections in my
left eye. I. Hate. It. There is absolutely no way to totally prepare
yourself to sit in a chair and willingly let someone come at you
with a syringe and a smile. Suffice it to say, I have the medical
problems that need such a procedure. They are of no particular
interest to anyone but me and my doctor. But…. every six to eight
weeks I go as a lamb to slaughter to go through this ordeal. I have
had friends and family go with to help the medical staff peel me off
the ceiling when said modus operandi is over. We have learned that
no one wants to hold my hand as I become quite capable of
restricting the blood flow to one’s fingers. Instead, they toss me a
rubber ball that looks like an eyeball. I’m very proficient at
squishing said sphere so flat that it takes a minute for it to
return to its original shape. The medical staff pries it out of my
hand as I clench it so tightly it literally becomes part of my
anatomy. It has indentations from all my fingernails. I have a
mighty love/hate relationship with that lil orb.
Then…. THEN….to add insult to injury I literally have to pay money
for them to do this medical wonder. Yes, I have insurance, but there
is always that dreaded copay. I need another lil orb to hold as I
pay money for this torturous technique.
A few years ago, I had a total knee replacement. Once again, hard
earned money to be put through extreme physical pain. What is wrong
with me?!
What is worse? The physical ache or the financial sting? I feel as
if I need a financial advisor before I have any medical treatment.
I am not down on the medical field. Quite the opposite. I don’t have
enough words to express gratitude to those who have dedicated their
lives to helping others through medical difficulties.
It’s the insurance and billing that drives me crazy. “I wish my
health insurance covered the sick feeling I get every time I pay a
doctor bill.” Maxine.
“Three people die: a doctor, school teacher, and the head of a large
insurance company. When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, he
asks the doctor, ‘What did you do on Earth?’ The doctor replied, ‘I
healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free.’
St. Peter told the doctor, ‘You may go in.’ St. Peter then asked the
teacher what she did; she replied. ‘I taught educationally
challenged children.’ St. Peter then told her, ‘You may go in.’ St.
Peter asked the third man, ‘What did you do?’ The man hung his head
and replied, ‘I ran a large insurance company.” St. Peter replied,
‘You may go in, but you can only stay three days.” Internet.
Another thing we do for expensive self-torture is go to the dentist.
I’d go to the doctor 100 times before I’d go to the dentist. Well,
perhaps not the put a needle in my eye doc.
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I love this online joke:
A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a
tooth. “$100.00,” said the dentist. “Oh, that’s expensive,” said the
man. “Do you have anything cheaper?” “That’s the normal price for an
extraction”, said the dentist. The man thinks about it, “What about
if you don’t use the anesthetic?” “Well, that would be unusual, but
we could do that. It would be about $75.00.” The man thinks some
more. “What about if you used a trainee and no anesthetic?” “Well,”
said the dentist, “I think that could work, but it would be a lot
more painful. I think that would be about $35.00.” The man thought
some more. “That’s still a lot. What if you make it a training
session with a student doing the extraction, and the other students
can watch?” The dentist says, “Ok, that would be good for the
students, but it will be traumatize to have it done that way. I’ll
charge you $5.00 for that.” “Great,” said the man. That’s perfect!
Can I book my wife for her appointment on Wednesday?”
I can’t possibly write a column about high costs and not include
gasoline. I saw this quote online, “Gas over $4.00 a gallon sucks
but watching people pay $9.00 for a 12-ounce coffee with some fake
chocolate flavoring and a dash of foamed milk and sprinkles
complaining about gas prices is deeply rooted in irony.”
How true this is. For goodness sakes…. make your own coffee and put
it in a washable to go cup. How can anyone justify these foo foo
coffee drinks? There is a coffee shop as you walk into our local
supermarket. Their queue disturbs the flow of customers coming in
for groceries. I have literally followed patrons of the coffee kiosk
and listened to them complain at the prices as the haughtily sip on
their paper cup full of outrageously priced, totally unnecessary,
cup o’ joe. Heavy sigh.
So, if you are still reading this column, you now know my opinion of
optometrists sticking needles in my eye, out of this world prices
for hurting my teeth and gums, inflation, and the reason I can’t get
a cup of coffee at a booth to soothe my soul.
Here’s my tip of the day, “Gas prices are getting so high…. I went
to a dealership and test drove three cars just to run my errands.”
L. Maxine McQueen
may be contacted at
maxmac.1@juno.com
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